The Hidden Influence of Family Dynamics on C-Suite Leadership
Empathy, Humility, Self-Awareness: The New C-Suite Mantra?
By Cindy Finch, LCSW, Therapist & Author | Research conducted with AI
Becker's recent insights reveal a significant transformation in leadership styles, transitioning from traditional assertiveness to a more empathetic approach. The era dominated by intimidating CEOs (Think: Travis Kalanick @Uber, Carly Fiorina @HP), who were often portrayed negatively in media and employee discussions, is fading. These once-celebrated figures, known for their aggressive strategies and rigid attitudes, are gradually becoming a memory of the past. It's a relief for many, including myself, marking a long-awaited change.
The Families We Come From
The role of the family environment in shaping our life and leadership abilities is well-established. Our upbringing acts like the foundational code of a complex software, laying down the initial instructions and framework that guide our skills in life and leadership. Think of it as the blueprint of a building, defining the initial design of your life. However, unless there's an effort to modify or upgrade this 'building of you,' the original plan set by your family is likely to persist.
The trauma my family faced is a legacy from my parents' era, marred by the Great Depression and World War II. This trauma manifested as racism and discord. Healing began through therapy and joint efforts. Acknowledging the 'Greatest Generation's' hardships, including wars and the Great Depression, is crucial. Many also fought in the Korean War. Such past burdens often explain the emotional reactions of my elderly clients, which is encapsulated in the phrase “If it's hysterical, it's historical.” Their resilience is profound.
Alright, back to the boardroom.
Negative family traits, such as emotional neglect, abuse, poor boundaries, and control issues, can hinder the development of empathy, humility, and self-awareness in leaders. The absence of these vital traits leads to tangible problems and blocks success, evident in:
1) High staff turnover,
2) Escalated training and recruitment costs,
3) Hindered product innovation,
4) Delayed market launches,
5) Poor product quality,
6) A demotivated workforce,
7) Suppressed creativity.
This three-part series aims to initiate change by focusing on the core issue - the Family. Addressing and resolving negative family influences can foster healthier, more effective leadership styles, benefiting both organizations and employees – most of whom are parents raising the next generation of leaders.
Intellectual Humility
Fortune's recent insights highlight the growing acknowledgment of "intellectual humility" and the critical role of Emotional and Relational Intelligence in organizational success.
What is Intellectual Humility? It involves recognizing and accepting the limitations of one's knowledge, understanding that one's beliefs might not always be correct, and being open to new ideas and perspectives. Key elements of intellectual humility include knowing your limits, openness to different ideas, admitting mistakes, avoiding overconfidence, flexibility in thought, and prioritizing learning. This approach, valued in academia, science, leadership, and personal relationships, encourages open-mindedness, continuous learning, and teamwork.
Courtney della Cava, the global head of portfolio talent and organizational performance at Blackstone, the world's largest private equity firm, emphasizes this in a conversation with Fortune.
She states, “Success and failure are primarily dependent on these skills,” adding, “There is nothing soft about soft skills."
Modern leadership increasingly values the “soft skills” of empathy, humility, and self-awareness, as seen in the approaches of notable leaders and companies such as Satya Nadella @Microsoft, Mary Barra @GM, and others.
This shift reflects a growing emphasis on understanding the impact of personal background on leadership and the importance of intellectual humility and relational intelligence in business.
However, the practice of Intellectual Humility flies directly in the face of these Top 5 toxic leadership traits most concerning in corporate leadership, especially the C-Suite where rules of nicety and respect can easily be dropped behind closed doors in favor of more bully-tactics.
· Manipulation
· Lack of Empathy
· Authoritarianism
· Abusive behavior
· Unethical Practices
Dr. Toxic
Looking back, I realize the importance of soft skills in the workplace. Early in my career, I worked with a psychiatrist whose harsh leadership style reminded me of Miranda Priestly from the Devil Wears Prada, minus the fashion sense. The signs of a problematic work environment were clear: colleagues often left meetings crying, there were several legal actions for wrongful termination, and heated arguments were commonplace. After I left, I even discovered a secret support group formed by her ex-employees who met specifically to deal with the emotional fallout they had just from working for her. Her leadership style was erratic and manipulative, reminiscent of Mary Louise Wright from "Big Little Lies," and the toxic atmosphere she created was like those found in dysfunctional families, breeding hostility and deceit.
As I delve into the latest Fortune piece, a striking revelation unfolds: the unchecked, turbulent waves of family dynamics are silently steering the ship of corporate leadership (think: demanding and controlling leadership, emotional manipulation, over-working, lack of empathy). These deep-rooted issues often learned in our families of origin, surface as toxic traits, corroding the very pillars of business success and team performance (think: “Succession,” “House of Cards,” “Wolf of Wall Street,”).
It's high time for those in leadership and HR to confront and reshape these dynamics, paving the way for a workplace that's not just productive, but also emotionally intelligent and humane. The next articles in this series focus on remediating the top five toxic leadership traits in the C-Suite. Need help managing a toxic situation at home or at work? Read my 6 Pro-Tips for How to Manage the Toxic People in Your Life.
-Cindy
The Hidden Influence of Family Dynamics on C-Suite Leadership - Part Two
Nov 26
Written By cindy finch
Recap: In the first part of this series, we explored how a seismic shift in C-suite leadership is taking place, moving away from the traditional, hard-edged approach to one that values empathy, humility, and self-awareness. This transition marks a departure from the era of tyrannical CEOs and towards a leadership style that is more relatable and emotionally intelligent. Central to this discussion is the profound impact of family dynamics on leadership development. It is widely recognized that our upbringing plays a crucial role in shaping our leadership skills and approaches. From the family environment, we often inherit traits that either facilitate or hinder the development of key leadership qualities such as empathy and self-awareness.
This series aims to ignite a movement for change by delving into the core influence of family dynamics. By understanding and resolving negative family influences, we can cultivate healthier and more effective leadership styles that benefit both organizations and employees. The discussion also touches upon the concept of Intellectual Humility and the importance of Emotional and Relational Intelligence in organizational success.
Top Toxic Leadership Traits and the Effects They Have on Our Organizations
Top Five Negative Leader Traits: Manipulation, lack of empathy, authoritarianism, abusive behaviors, and unethical practices each have direct, negative effects on your teams. Their presence in key leaders contributes to these organizational problems:
· High staff turnover,
· Escalated training and recruitment costs,
· Hindered product innovation,
· Delayed market launches,
· Poor product quality,
· Demotivated workforce,
· Suppressed creativity.
Moving forward in our discussion about how our family of origin affects leadership, let's now look at the first two of the "Top Five Toxic Leadership Traits and Their Organizational Impact," and how to handle them. We'll start by examining these important traits and how they show up at work.
1. Manipulative Behavior: This refers to underhanded tactics employed by leaders to control and exploit employees. Such behavior is rooted in learned manipulation from early childhood, reinforced over time, and can severely damage the workplace environment.
2. Lack of Empathy in Leadership: This trait manifests as an insensitivity to employees' feelings and needs, leading to a demotivated workforce and a host of organizational problems.
These negative leadership traits, often a product of family dynamics, not only harm individuals but also significantly impact organizational health and effectiveness. The series aims to shed light on these traits and provide strategies to address them, paving the way for a workplace that is not just productive but also emotionally intelligent and humane. Stay tuned for the subsequent parts of this series, where we will uncover more toxic leadership traits and their implications.
Toxic Leadership Trait One:
Manipulative Behavior - refers to a situation where a leader employs underhanded and often subtle tactics to control, influence, and exploit employees to achieve personal or organizational objectives. This can include psychological manipulation, deceit, coercion, and using employees' emotions or vulnerabilities against them. It's a strategy that prioritizes the leader's goals over the well-being and rights of the employees, often leading to a toxic work environment characterized by distrust, low morale, and high stress.
Cause: Children learn early how to engage others for attention and help, like smiling to be picked up. As kids, they might learn that throwing tantrums gets them a coveted toy. In teens, this can morph into more calculated behaviors, like flattery to borrow the car. When carried into adulthood, especially in bosses, these behaviors can become toxic—using charm or anger to control or coerce, putting self-interest above team well-being. What starts as a survival tactic can, if unchecked, spiral into manipulative leadership.
Effects: Manipulative behavior in the workplace is like a wolf in sheep's clothing - initially unassuming but ultimately harmful and deceptive. When bosses use deceit and mind games at work, it becomes harmful manipulation.
Signs: This can undermine employee confidence, overload them with work, and create stress, damaging morale and productivity. Some examples:
Examples of manipulative behaviors in the workplace from popular movies:
1. Gaslighting: Illustrated by Miranda Priestly in "The Devil Wears Prada," where she makes her assistant question her own abilities, leading to self-doubt and a lack of confidence.
1. Withholding Information: As seen with Gordon Gekko in "Wall Street," keeping crucial information secret to maintain control undermines trust and can lead to poor decision-making.
2. Blame Shifting: This is shown in "Succession," where characters frequently avoid taking responsibility by pinning their faults on others, creating a toxic environment of mistrust and evasion of accountability.
Action Plan:
HR should promote open communication and a transparent culture, with bonus structures and KPIs (Key performance indicators) to change leaders' behavior. Hit them where it hurts. If behavior improves, bonuses go up. $$$.
Leaders should reach out to Human Resources or find resources themselves for skill-building in areas like interpersonal psychotherapy or executive relationship coaching. These skills are not usually covered in traditional home or educational settings.
Frazzled Employees should learn to assert themselves, set boundaries, and understand how their own formative years (developmental psychology) led them to handle (or not handle) workplace bullies. Read my 6 Pro-Tips for How to Manage the Toxic People in Your Life for more guidance.
Toxic Leadership Trait Two:
Lack of Empathy in Leadership: involves a failure to understand and value employees' feelings and needs. It leads to a work environment where staff feels undervalued and unsupported, resulting in low morale, high turnover, and decreased productivity. This approach focuses narrowly on business results, overlooking the essential human aspect of a cohesive and motivated team.
Cause: This leadership flaw often originates from a background where emotional expression was discouraged, a trait more prevalent in older leaders. Their style was shaped by command-and-control leadership and an upbringing in authoritarian, emotionally restrictive families.
Effect: This approach leads to high staff turnover, escalated training and recruitment costs, hindered product innovation, delayed market launches, poor product quality, a demotivated workforce, and suppressed creativity.
Signs: A workplace with insensitive leadership typically has high levels of stress and fails to address employee needs.
Examples
· Indifference to Employees' Emotions: Example: Frank Underwood in "House of Cards" often disregards the emotional impact of his actions on others.
· Ignoring Workload Challenges: Example: Steve Jobs, as depicted in films, was known for his intense demands, often overlooking the stress it caused his team. Furthermore, he was known to push his employees to their limits, often being unyielding in his expectations.
· Prioritizing Goals Over People: Example: Anna Wintour, as portrayed in popular culture, often prioritized the success of Vogue over the comfort and needs of her staff.
Action Plan:
HR: 1) Emphasize emotional intelligence training, encouraging an empathetic yet authoritative style of leadership. 2) Implement programs to enhance employee involvement, ensuring feedback without fear of reprisal.
Leaders: Surround yourself with the smartest people you know and listen to them on this topic. Do what they tell you to do.
Frazzled Employee: Be willing to engage in new programs; maintain your skepticism but be open to change.
As we look ahead to the next installment of this series, let's carry with us the understanding that leadership is not just about driving success but fostering a healthy, respectful, and ethically sound workplace. To better manage the grind of workplace toxicity, the traits of resilience and perseverance can be helpful. For an indepth look at these qualities, see Glen Llopis’ Leadership in the Age of Personalization work and his article in Forbes that highlights our shared work on building a resilient workforce. Stay tuned for deeper insights and actionable strategies in our continuing journey to reshape the landscape of leadership.
-Cindy
The Hidden Influence of Family Dynamics on C-Suite Leadership - Part Three
Nov 27
Written By cindy finch
The Top 5 Toxic Leadership Traits - continued
In the third part of our series "The Hidden Influence of Family Dynamics on C-Suite Leadership," we continue to unravel the complex ways in which our upbringing shapes leadership styles, this time focusing on the last three toxic traits in leadership and their profound impact on organizations. The first two parts have illuminated the seismic shift from traditional, domineering leadership to a style that values empathy, humility, and self-awareness, underscoring the significance of family dynamics in this evolution.
Women as Sexual Perpetrators
Recently, a shocking revelation came to light about a past colleague and supervisor of mine, someone I had once deeply trusted and admired. She was apprehended and imprisoned for the sexual abuse of a male client, a discovery that left me reeling in disbelief. She had been more than just a coworker to me; I regarded her as a friend and a reliable professional ally, even naming her as my top reference when I relocated to a different state.
Our communication had dwindled over the years, so it was a jarring experience when a mutual former client sent me a news article about her. Seeing her face plastered on the front page of her local newspaper was startling. The article detailed how she had exercised relentless control over her victim, circumventing restraining orders, ignoring judicial cautions, and ultimately receiving a jail sentence for her overpowering need to dominate her male client.
This disturbing incident aligns with our ongoing exploration of how negative family traits like emotional neglect, abuse, and control issues not only hamper the development of positive leadership qualities but also lead to significant workplace challenges, including high staff turnover and reduced creativity. As we delve deeper into the specific harmful behaviors in leadership, we examine their origins, impacts, and the signs to be aware of in professional environments.
In The Shadows
Before we embark on this exploration, it's crucial to recognize the resilience of those in the shadows – the survivors, their families, and those affected – who confront the daunting effects of those misusing their power. Therapists and coaches, both nationally and globally, stand as beacons in turbulent times, guiding those affected by oppressive leadership through difficult challenges.
These narratives and the insights we gain from them are vital for those dedicated to fostering a world of leadership that is both healthier and more empathetic. We owe it to the survivors and their families to persistently advocate on their behalf and to never remain silent in the face of those wielding their power for destructive purposes. Our inaction risks not only the well-being of the current generation but also casts long shadows over the futures of their children.
In this pursuit, we draw inspiration from leaders like Lori Jean Glass, Founder and CEO of The Pivot Group, who is at the forefront of addressing these issues. Her ethos, "healed people, heal people," serves as a guiding principle in our journey towards transformative leadership.
Toxic Trait Three:
Authoritarianism: This trait often emerges from strict, non-democratic family settings and leads to a stifling of creativity and a culture of fear in the workplace.
This type of leadership can be coined by the mindset of “My way or the highway.” In "The Breakfast Club," Principal Vernon's strict detention rules create a tense atmosphere. Nurse Ratched in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" rules a mental institution with an iron fist, instilling fear, and Darth Vader in "Star Wars" epitomizes authoritarian leadership with his intimidating presence and absolute control over his subordinates.
Cause: Develops in overly strict and controlling, non-democratic family settings. Catchphrase: “Obedience trumps Independence.”
Effect: A culture of fear - where creativity goes to die.
Signs: Lack of employee engagement, fear of speaking out, high turnover.
HR: identify whose boot is on whose neck and untangle it. Read: identify the troublemakers and then promote a culture of feedback and collaborative decision-making. Tie leaders’ bonuses directly to their performance in this arena.
Leader: it’s hard for your people to do their best work when your boot is on their neck. Call a therapist.
Frazzled employee: Ask yourself: why do I allow this? What am I getting out of this, is this the only employer in my town? And then…get the “F” out of there. There must be easier ways to make a living.
Toxic Trait Four
Abusive Behavior: Often a replication of familial abuse patterns, this behavior can cause psychological harm and create legal issues.
This kind of leadership may seem familiar to those who have experienced similar environments growing up. For a leader who indulges in sexual, physical, or verbal abuse to thrive, they need subordinates who tacitly support such behavior.
Examples: Consider characters like Perry Wright from "Big Little Lies" and Frank Gallagher in "Shameless." They mirror the abusive patterns they've known from their families, leading to significant harm to those around them and a trail of legal and personal issues.
Cause: Individuals from abusive backgrounds may bring manipulation, aggression, and a lack of empathy into leadership roles, seeing these traits as normal. They often struggle with resolving conflicts peacefully, opting for aggression or abuse over dialogue (Remember the scandals in the Catholic church and Hollywood?). Their insecurities may lead to fear-driven leadership tactics. Moreover, the stress ingrained from such backgrounds can spark impulsive and harsh decisions under pressure.
Effects: Leaders with such traits create a breeding ground for hostile work environments, harassment complaints, and legal troubles.
Signs: Look for psychological harm, legal issues, or a growing disapproval of your organization, especially among the younger workforces.
HR's Role: When employees report feeling abused or harassed, it's likely true. Implement 360-degree feedback systems and be prepared for employees to file legal charges if you won’t or can’t manage this leader.
Leaders: Retire, quit, or leave.
Frazzled Employee: Recognize the difference between abuse and the pursuit of goals. Seek therapy or coaching to work on developing healthy boundaries and using your voice effectively. You deserve to work in an environment where you are safe, respected and heard.
Toxic Trait Five
Unethical practices. Actions and decisions by top executives that violate moral norms, legal standards, or commonly accepted professional guidelines.
Unethical Practices: A lack of strong ethics in the C-suite of a successful company is like a termite infestation in a beautiful home. Gorgeous on the outside but falling apart from the inside out. Popular media vividly illustrates the perilous consequences of unethical practices in the realms of high finance and corporate leadership. Movies like "The Wolf of Wall Street" and TV series such as "Billions" and "Succession" dramatize the rise and fall of powerful figures due to greed, corruption, and moral ambiguity. These stories, alongside real-life examples like the Enron scandal depicted in "The Smartest Guys in the Room," highlight the erosion of trust, the downfall of corporate empires, and the personal ruin that often accompanies unethical leadership.
Cause: Children raised in families where unethical behaviors like lying and cheating are normalized may grow up believing that such actions are acceptable means to achieve goals. In homes where success is prioritized over ethics and accountability is lacking, these children can develop a skewed understanding of right and wrong. As adults in the professional world, they may carry these early lessons, valuing victory over integrity and allowing unethical practices to seep into their leadership styles.
Effects: damage an organization's integrity and reputation; legal repercussions.
Signs: Questionable business practices, legal challenges.
HR: For a business to be successful one organization must do better than another; but how we get there matters.
· HR should establish and enforce a strong ethical framework across the organization. This should include: Training on codes of conduct, employee handbook, and an explicit canon of ethics.
· Tie your leader goals to “how did you get there?” and make them show their work. The point? If you accomplish the goals but there’s a wake of destruction all around you, the goal may not be worth it
Leader: Get to know your people: it’s tough to treat people you like and know unethically
Frazzled Employee: If you are given tasks that have a dark outcome tied to them, get clarity and advise management that the accomplishment of this goal may have unexpected consequences and then discuss the consequences.
In wrapping up our exploration of family dynamics and C-suite leadership, it's clear that the seeds of leadership styles are often sown in our earliest environments. The journey from manipulative behavior, lack of empathy, to more egregious traits like authoritarianism, abuse, and unethical practices begins in the family unit. These toxic traits are detrimental not just to individuals but to entire organizations, leading to a host of workplace issues. It's crucial for current leaders to reflect on their roots, recognize harmful patterns, and seek growth towards emotionally intelligent leadership. For those on the receiving end of such leadership, it's about finding the courage to seek change, whether through HR intervention or personal boundaries.
-Cindy
For strategic support and coaching to improve your organization's culture and address leadership challenges, reach out to me in Orange County, CA. As a therapist, best-selling author, and coach, I offer insights and guidance in these areas. My work as a resilience therapist was recently featured in Forbes. Visit www.cindyfinch.com or contact me at info@cindyfinch.com.
PS: my husband is an MBA and we compare notes : )
