The Five (+1) Reasons Not to Kill Yourself
I received a call on Tuesday that was very honest and unexpected. I want to tell you about it as it feels like such a reflection of our nation's current situation. Here’s how it went:
Caller: Hello, is this Cindy Finch?
Me: Yes, hello
Silence...
Caller: (Crying)
Me: Hello, are you OK?
Caller: Um, I guess so. I thought I would give you a call, I just hung up with the suicide hotline and they gave me a website for a therapist’s directory. Your name came up first and you looked nice, so I called.
Me: Oh! Ok, I see, yes, I am glad you called.
Silence…
Me: What’s been going on?
Caller: I just lost my job of 22 years and I feel like such a burden...
Me: I'm so glad you called me. I don't normally answer unknown numbers. And, honestly, I'm scheduled to be in a session right now, but my client hasn't called yet. So, I think there's some sort of synchronicity happening here. Let's talk for a few minutes.
Caller: OK, I'm just really struggling...
Wow. What a call. We talked for 20 more minutes as I connected the caller to some critical information and resources. You can read below about how this call ended, but before I tell you, I want to share some of that same critical information with you.
These last few months have been a wild ride for all of us. This quarantine has proven to be unlike anything we have ever experienced, for lots of reasons. While some of us have been outright bored, others of us have struggled with our new roles of working from home and managing our kids 24/7 all while enduring the dismal news on TV. But for others, like my caller, some people are just trying to stay alive. Everything feels like such a struggle right now, I know.
Experts tell us that the FOUR BUILDING BLOCKS of good mental health are all under assault:
Community - the important friendships and bonds we hold with those we love and trust have been changed due to stay-at-home orders. Many of us are lonely and isolated.
Schedule and Structure - the rhythms and patterns we follow to anchor our daily lives in things like work and school have been turned on their heads.
Meaningful Work - the ways in which we contribute, give-back, provide for our families and feel useful on a daily basis have either gone away (through job loss), have been put on hold or have been completely re-defined as we workers and business owners scramble to find our way amidst this crisis.
Exercise - Regular, active movement to relieve stress, improve sleep, manage our weight and heighten our immunity has come to a near halt. With beaches, parks and trails closed or severely restricted, those of us who exercise have had to pivot our workouts and try to stay active. Add to this the lack of energy we have all been feeling and finding a time to be active each day has been truly challenging.
Now, here is how that call ended. In addition to offering this caller some much needed support, I shared with her many of the reasons she should not end her life (see below). Afterwards, she committed to safety and to finding her best, next steps. In case you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, research shows that one of the best ways to prevent suicide is to talk about suicide.
Need someone to talk to? Call the National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Suicide Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 and review their suggestions here or go to your local emergency room.
The Five (+1) Reasons Not to Kill Yourself
1. Suicide is contagious. If a person takes their own life they could, quite possibly, be responsible for influencing someone else to take their life, too. Especially family members and friends.
2. After a suicide, the biggest thing people remember about the deceased is how they died not how they lived. Any good work, kind deed, sparkling talent, strong beliefs or great contributions the person has made in the world will be stomped out by the heavy weight of how they died.
3. You won’t always feel this way, I promise. Depression, anxiety, addiction, sadness, grief, your burning desire to bring yourself harm… none of these things are static states of being. Like any and all emotions, they are temporary. Feelings are like weather patterns… they move on eventually.
4. There is no guarantee that your suffering will end when your life ends. We have no data about suffering in the afterlife. Many people think that ‘to die’ just means ‘light’s out’ for them. But, are you sure? Why not work to turn the page on a new chapter right here and right NOW, instead?
5. The best parts of your life are just ahead. Often our hardest times are a gateway to some of our deepest growth and learning. Once we come through our struggles, we are often stronger and equipped to live at a higher level, do better work in the world, and to help others to do the same. Keep going, OK? The way out of this is THROUGH.
5+ 1: You might poop and pee your pants. When we die, our bodily functions and muscle control eventually stop working. This means, if a person takes their own life, friends, family members and emergency workers may find them in their own excrement.
I say this is a +1 because this last one doesn’t always matter to people. Most people don’t want to hurt their family members or be remembered badly, but not everyone cares about leaving a mess. Women HATE the thought of leaving a mess or being seen in a messy state. So, I shared this one specifically with my caller. We actually shared a giggle after I told her this reason.
Our lives are opening back up now as the country is re-opening. Why not see what’s ahead for you? Post-traumatic growth is the phenomenon that happens to some people when they come through hard times. Maybe the things that made you want to end your life are EXACTLY the springboard you need to start a new, different life. Why not give someone a call?
