What to do When You Lose Someone - and how to cope
By Cindy FInch, LCSW
Hello, I'm here to walk alongside you on this journey of grief. Loss has a profound way of reshaping our lives, leaving us to navigate a world that feels entirely different. It could be the empty space on the other side of the bed, the silence from a friend who was once a phone call away, or the absence of a child's laughter. Whatever form your loss takes, it introduces a new, heavier air into your life, one that can feel suffocating and overwhelming.
In the aftermath of loss, our bodies and minds react with a mix of anxiety, shock, and numbness. It's a turbulent storm of emotions that can leave us feeling paralyzed, caught between the urge to flee from the reality of our situation and an immobilizing sense of numbness.
Right now, amidst this storm, you might be looking for a lifeline, something to hold onto that can help you face just today. I want to offer you a few simple, accessible steps to help you through your grieving process.
Navigating Sleep Challenges
Sleep may feel like an elusive friend post-loss. Nights are long, either filled with restlessness or haunted by dreams that are far from comforting. Waking up brings its own pain as you're reminded anew of your loss. It's a cycle that makes sleep seem more like a foe than an ally.
A Gentle Approach: Consider setting aside time for quiet rest rather than sleep. Find a peaceful spot to lie down, dim the lights, and turn off any screens. Let your body relax without the pressure of needing to sleep. Box breathing, a simple meditation technique, can help calm your mind. Visualize a box, and with each side, practice a four-count breath — inhale, hold, exhale, hold. This method isn't just for those well-versed in meditation; it's a practical tool for anyone needing a moment of peace. For further guidance, websites like www.quietkit.com offer easy-to-follow meditation exercises.
Questions About Returning to Work
The thought of "getting back to normal" might push you towards diving back into work. However, returning too soon or immersing yourself in work can actually complicate your grieving process. While the need to provide for your family or the fear of falling behind at work is real, it's crucial to approach your return to work with care to avoid delaying your healing.
A Considerate Plan: Explore the options available to you, such as FMLA leave, disability benefits, or using vacation time. These are not just formalities but resources that can offer you the space you need to grieve without the added pressure of work responsibilities. It's about finding a balance that allows you to mourn and heal while also considering your financial and professional needs.
When Others Offer Help
It's common for friends and family to want to help, suggesting grief groups or counseling. While their intentions are good, they may not fully grasp how depleted you feel. The early days of loss are consumed with tasks and arrangements, leaving little room to process your emotions. It's only later, when the quiet settles in, that the full weight of grief hits.
Finding Solace in Simplicity: It's okay to let the phone calls go unanswered and the books gather dust for a while. Instead, consider stepping outside, even if just for a short while. Nature has a subtle power to soothe and heal. A walk in the park, a moment under the open sky, or simply sitting on your porch can offer a brief respite from your grief. If the outside world feels too much, find comfort in small, indoor activities that allow you to breathe and take the day slowly.
In these moments of profound loss, remember, you're not alone. I'm here to offer support, to help you find a way through the pain, and to discover moments of peace amidst the turmoil. Whether it's through trying one of these steps or just needing someone to talk to, I encourage you to reach out. Your journey of healing is unique, and together, we can navigate the path forward.
-Cindy
About the Author: Cindy Finch, LCSW is a clinical therapist, author, and coach. You can reach her at 507-319-9348 or info@cindyfinch.com
