The Relationship Revival Series PART 3: Heal What You Haven’t Healed Yet
By Cindy FInch
You had no say in the family you came from. Maybe you were the peacemaker in a house where everyone yelled. Or the overachiever who thought good grades could earn love. Or the invisible one who learned to make do with crumbs of attention.
We all carry old strategies that once helped us survive—but now sabotage intimacy. Real healing begins when we get curious about those patterns, name where they came from, and gently ask: Do they still serve me today? But you do have power in the family you're building.
You can stop the cycle. You can become a chain-breaker.
But you have to face your story.
If You Want a Healthy Relationship…
Name your addictions. Get support.
Seek therapy if you’re dealing with mood swings, anxiety, trauma, or personality issues.
Start moving your body and treating it with kindness.
Build a spiritual life.
Share your healing journey with a trusted circle of friends—like a support group, a spiritual circle, or a skilled therapist. These healing communities offer empathy, reflection, and accountability as you walk the path toward restoration.
The Celts called this kind of deep friendship Anam Cara – "Soul Friend."
And you’ll need more than one. Don’t put the weight of your healing on one person. Therapists, mentors, and safe companions can walk this with you.
Choose people who:
Understand pain without flinching
Keep confidence
Tell the truth with love
Aren’t afraid of your story
💡 Try This: Write out 3 things from your past that still affect your relationship today. Share one with someone you trust.
Relationship Killer #4: Coping Instead of Healing
Unhealed people recreate pain. They cope instead of heal.
When you don’t deal with the old wounds, you:
Escape into overeating, overworking, over-spending, over-everything.
Ghost your own life.
Sabotage your finances, your health, and your relationships.
The healing road is messy, but it's so worth it.
"Change always comes bearing gifts." – Price Pritchett
Final Word: You Don’t Need a New Relationship
You need a new way of being in the one you have.
Grow up. Forgive. Show up. Heal your old wounds. Speak your truth with kindness. Be someone your partner feels safe with again.
It’s never too late to change the dance—just make sure you’re not dancing alone in a conga line of unresolved trauma.
💡 Go Deeper: Revisit each 'Try This' prompt and choose one to act on this week. Small changes spark big turnarounds.
Cindy Finch, LCSW is a therapist, speaker, and author who helps individuals and couples heal after crisis and reconnect in powerful, lasting ways. Her books "When Grief Is Good" and "Epic Comeback" explore what it means to grow stronger through what you go through.
You need a new way of being in the one you have.
Grow up. Forgive. Show up. Heal your old wounds. Speak your truth with kindness. Be someone your partner feels safe with again.
It’s never too late to change the dance.
💡 Go Deeper: Revisit each 'Try This' prompt and choose one to act on this week. Small changes spark big turnarounds.
Cindy Finch, LCSW is a therapist, speaker, and author who helps individuals and couples heal after crisis and reconnect in powerful, lasting ways. Her books "When Grief Is Good" and "Epic Comeback" explore what it means to grow stronger through what you go through.
Copyright Cindy Finch 2019
