Before it Happens Again Part II: Could a Casserole Stop Suicides?
If I had a dime for every time I heard a newscaster talk about mass shootings and mental illness, especially in news-in-review roundups, I would be rich.
Enough already.
Only 4% of those with mental illness become violent, which is the same rate as those who are mentally sound. The bigger problem with mental illness is that we treat those who are sick as if they are outcasts, which only makes the problem worse.
What if, as a society, we treated mental illness like we treat cancer? In our culture we flood the lives of cancer patients, survivors and families with help, money, races, ribbons and fundraisers. After a young adult in my circle took her own life, I had a brief, guilty thought, “I wonder if a casserole could have helped her?” It had helped me during my cancer. Why should mental illness be any different?
You can often find people doing nice and helpful things for others in faith communities and affinity groups. For instance, the Susan G. Komen website is filled with practical interventions for cancer patients and survivors just like the Red Cross provides comprehensive relief after natural disasters. In the same way, many faith-communities have organized themselves to help people both inside and outside their walls when they fall on hard times.
But with mental illness there is such a stigma that we often avoid or shun. Might we be missing our opportunity to care for those affected by it? There is no shortage of those who need care.
The National Alliance of the Mentally Ill reports that:
Approximately 1 in 5 adults in the U.S.—43.8 million, or 18.5%—experiences mental illness in a given year.
Approximately 1 in 25 adults in the U.S.—9.8 million, or 4.0%—experiences a serious mental illness in a given year that substantially interferes with or limits one or more major life activities.
And suicide rates in the US have jumped by more than 30% over the last few years. A startling statistic. And it hits our men the worst. White men, over the age of 45, are more likely to attempt and complete suicide more than any other race or gender in our country.
So, this is why I wondered if a casserole would have helped the young woman who took her life better manage her illness and not solve her problems by killing herself? In fact, could a community wide effort to “One-another, One another” actually prevent suicide?
Another thought, what if we could re-classify “mental illness” as “brain illness” and begin to accept that patients with these diseases and disorders are not weak, they are just ill, through no fault of their own. Might we start calling mental health patients “heroes” too? In fact, they may actually be more heroic than cancer patients. You see, they have had to fight their illness alone, in hiding, often filled with shame, typically undiagnosed (or misdiagnosed), and with scarce access to resources.
What would it be like to bring meals to the homes of those struggling with mental illness? Write encouraging cards and letters? Visit them when they’re up for it? Drive them to their appointments? Help pay their bills? Visit when they are hospitalized? I can only imagine.
As a therapist, my patients tell me is how healing it is to have someone seek to understand what they’re going through and also offer (non-judgementally) to help them through it. As it turns out, validation is a key concept in helping our fellow humans to recover their lives and heal from their illness. Validation sounds something like this: “Hello fellow human, I see you and it is OK. Your suffering has been terrible and I am sorry for what you’ve been through. Let’s walk back to life together.”
Instead, most mental health patients, fraught with shame (often for years) because of the stigma of mental illness as a weakness, end up very alone and isolated. And often, they suffer in silence which drives their illness deep underground. Unfortunately, when they push it down, it only comes out sideways later on.
And that’s where this essay started: an epidemic of illness and death by suicide has gotten too firm of a grip on us as a nation.
Can we do more for those who are the most vulnerable? Buried deep inside the tender minds of our brothers and sisters who look fine on the outside, but suffer mightily on the inside, is something they cannot fight alone. They need our help.
Perhaps we should flood the lives of our family members with love and care. If a casserole can stop the public health crisis of suicide, then line up a hot dish of tater tots, green beans with mushroom soup and let’s have dinner.
Cindy Finch, LCSW
